Oddly, I have not felt this relaxed for the longest time and yet it's .... Finals Week. 

Life is great when you only have textbooks to worry about. I envy the true students. It's quite a stable occupation. One's entire day is planned out: grab your spiffy latte in the morning (b/c waiting on line in the spiffy Olin Cafe makes you feel oh so spiffy too), study in the Kroch (iNano close at hand), eat lunch at Ivy, back to the Kroch, flash out your spiffy PowerBook to IM friends and decide between the black or the white iPod Video (yes, you already have the Nano), dinner at Ivy, try Fish Bowl for a change, and if you're priveleged enough to have no other preoccupations in your overly simplistic life, bring your toothbrush (b/c you wasted too much time chatting at the spiffy cafe).

I call it the Greenhouse Effect. 

Hopefully most of the plants won't die when they're thrown out into the snow.

I'm only writing this because I don't want to start studying for orgo yet. Well here's what's been bothering me lately. I think I'm a relatively competent human being. Grades are not a problem, the opposite sex I'm not too worried about [notice it came after grades - hahha], parents (yes besides my own) always love me, profs are usually favorable towards me, parents (my own) will probably give me whatever I ask for. Of course, that's not all there is to being human, but yea y'kno what I mean, I'm a pretty confident and content person overall. However, people are greedy so let's say you have most of everything, just about everything.... but not completely.. and that one thing you lack will make you feel like shit. Lacking just one thing out of everything you already have will make you feel like you have nothing. 

Each time I excel at something, I realize there's one more thing I haven't conquered and it's always so hard. But give it some time, and let's say I do kick its ass too. I'm ecstatic now because I'm amazing!, I'm on top of the world! But now.. life pulls out another demon from its ass and shit, I'm down in the dumps again. If I'm lucky, I'll shoot it in the face just to have another pop up and taunt me.

Maybe it's just me, maybe I can never be satisfied. Or maybe this just means there's still so much I suck at and to think that I am ever amazing is foolish.

Remember that practice SATII Writing shit in hs?

"Every cloud has a silver lining." 

I'm feeling myself change in perhaps not a negative way towards a certain situation that I had always felt was a nemesis in my life, a defect not on my part but just an ongoing circumstance which has always been lurking in the shadows of my existence. Surprisingly, I think I've finally found a way to deal. For once, thanks mom  ...for being the kid.        

I've never been that envious of others. I feel I have so much that even if I did envy something others had that I didn't, I still have enough to compensate. I have felt that way for most of my life and I wish I could go on forever feeling that way. I wonder how it feels like to have a real mother.